Mossé Shabbath- thoughts of this shabbath

Oh, humanity... I dont trust in it (we are so damned fickle)

you constantly shatter my brain and shame hasn't had its fill of me yet

Some say that i am blessed

I only see the curse of who I am, and I think that the God is One who is completely obsessed

with killing moral men (definitely killing me)

Having them struggle patiently

killing them tragically shot from other people's misdeeds

I have no sabbath, though I partake in it weekly

walk the streets meekly whilst my insides are seeping with melancholy and sadness

ask if I will have this piece of the pie I wish for, nope! in fact, I cant just

sit here and wait, it's been about two weeks

since it happened and now Im fractioned down two (too) deep

Im half of who I thought I was when it's completeness I seek and sought

for benevolence but now all I want is eternal see

Just ask me, how I came to this point of being

I broke my code of silence to self ... and kept falling

recalling the words I needed when within me they were uttered

 I dont even know if I remembers it, brother

And now the silence wont whisper, barred in silence with communication with me

I'm wondering if humanity will treat me like how it did with Raphy

A million thoughts scramble my brain I cant handle, i need to quiet it down

but the traffic stacks a landfill

All I know is that I was too overwhelmed to realize what was going on. I couldn't even *BE* myself

I couldn't flow naturally as I would through the whispering self.

What happened?

My feelings want to abandon ship

"You can't abandon this, continue with your plans, do the benevolent thing that you wished to do to help others", says my logic and reasoning.

instinct tells me, "reach out to myself intently and actively- and I will find her-the one who will help me as God said, "Wayyomer ... lo-tob heyoth ha'adam lebadho, e`ese lo `ezer...keneghdo", And Said The Only Existing Judge and Power of Powers, it is not good that man (humanity) is unaccompanied, I will make him (male-humanity) a helpmate...against (or/adjacent) him", if she's ready or not; tell her what's going on. Tell her the specific plans."

Intuition tells me... "I need you-full soul. Its the only way to accomplish the plan"

So then, what should be my resolve?

This sabbath was spent in deep reflection; and in deep want and need. Dreaming, hoping dreadfully for the company that only one can fulfill, trying to quiet the 'noise' down whilst my roommates slept soundly until the wee afternoon; two more hours till habdallah. I went to bed not long after, I needed a break, I needed silence, going to bed weighing heavily on my thoughts- I took a moment to stop sending out my energy to my other soul-wherever she is. Waking up with the same...

Continue to walk the path O soul of mine, you have much work to do. Do not yield, do not fail, and listen to Him that is within you, and controls the events, and Who sees them all as one flash simultaneous.

This I have just realized is the call of my 'whispering self'. Please continue to speak to me, and share the conversations that you have with the Hidden One. Thank you for communicating with me!